“You should really be more careful what you put online?”
“Aren’t you worried people will find out you’re bi/mentally ill/really angry about bogs more often than is socially acceptable?”
Honestly maybe. Is there a culture of over-sharing on social media? – Quite possibly. But for me it’s not that simple.
When you live with mental illness your life is a long serious of secrets and hiding things. You hide things from work, your family, and friends because you don’t want them to worry – but also because you can get away with more.
It’s a lesser talked about issue, the part of you that doesn’t want to get better or at least doesn’t want to try in the face of seemingly inevitable failure. I’m just as likely to spiral in my PJs watching Star Wars at noon as I am in the gym, so what fucking difference does it make right?
But it does, and the people who love you will want to remind you that it makes a difference and being reminded of that will sometimes want to make you want to put your fist through walls.
So I can’t have many secrets. On bad days I have to tell someone. If I need to get more exercise or eat better than I have to hold myself publicly accountable in order to get it done.
So much of my mental health is ruled by how well I can hide how bad things are on a given day. Secrets are a poison for me that I can’t really afford.